There is one thing that I will never understand and that is emotions. Why did God have to make us such emotional creatures ? I understand that there are good parts about being an emotional person like happiness, joy, love and admiration and blah blah blah blahblah. But there are so many bad parts too; in my case the bad tend to outway the good. Like anger, sadness, anxiety and love. And the worst of all tears. Why the fuck do we have to cry? Like what gave god the right to make us human waterfalls when we're either really sad or really happy. Or in my case really freaking angry. There are some emotions that I feel like if I blog about them the moment it happens I would literally go back later and laugh at myself. Brcause of how absolutely pathetic I was. Or of how absolutly pathetic I feel at this moment. Emotions are hard to control. And in a relationship all your emotions are heightened and there are certain stages that you have to pass.
But it's hard to pass those stages when your filled with anxiety or let's say your boyfriend lives 3775 miles away. Well then you have a problem. Fun fact a boy has never made me ugly cry after a disagreement before. Until today. I hate crying. I hate people that say it will make you feel better because I feel like crap. Its just so much easier to protect yourself when you close yourself off to the world. I overthink a lot and that tends to confuse myself a lot and cloud my judgment. So at this very moment in time I'm lost. And I hate it because I don't know which way to go anymore. I need help. I'm just to proud and stubborn to admit it.
xxxx
- Ayssatou
PS: I house sat, had thanks giving, moved, lost all my clothes, and lived without Internet for three days. (My phone doesn't count.) I am so ready for college.
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