When I look back at how I used to be and how I am now it just astounds me. Evolution and puberty and hormones and all that are such weird concepts and prices of life. And I just don't understand. I don't understand how much a person can change in the course of five years. As you get older you start to realize things you didn't understand when you were younger. Because as it turn out you actually were to young to understand. I was to young to understand hate and racism and love and sex and war and people and how adults think. I used to think sex was going to your closet and kicking boots around with a boy. I used to think that love was the hearted cards you would get from the other kids in your class and whoever gets the most cards is the most loved. I thought war meant segueing and pinning someone down. I thought a big flappy bird brought babies that came from mommys tummy on a sack and threw them down the fire escape for Christmas. I was so naive. Here I am 17 years old and I wish I didn't understand. I wish I didn't know how sex worked or that you can have it with a complete stranger that you don't love. I wish I didn't know how strong love was to a point where someone can emotionally crush you with a single action or word because you love them. I wish I didn't know that war equals death and death means to never come back. I wish I didn't know that babies are a product of sex and that most of them are accidents. I'm 17 but most days I wish I was 7. Simpler naive times but they were the best times. Times where I didn't have to face reality. And now that I do I just want to crawl back in a ball and hide under my covers. These are things we just have to deal with and live with. But it doesn't mean I want to.
xxxx.
-Ayssatou
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