ME PART TWO

Side Note: Sorry I always backtrack into side notes. And interrupt what I'm going to post. But I am NOT a happy camper right now. This is a good way to rant my feelings and thoughts and then I'm going to sleep okay. Here is me part two:

    I HATE CATS LIKE A LOT THEY SCARE THE SHITS OUT OF ME AND THEY ARE CREEPY OKAY.

    I CRINGE WHENEVER I TYPE A POST ON MY PHONE AND I CAN'T JUSTIFY OR CENTER MY FORMATTING 

          

I ACTUALLY CRY A LOT BUT ABOUT STUPID STUFF LIKE MY FAVORITE SHOW ENDING OR PEOPLE HATING ME.

     I HAVEN'T HAD A MEANING FULL BIRTHDAY SINCE THE SECOND GRADE WHEN MY MOM BROUGHT A STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE TO SCHOOL

MY DADS MOM PASSED AWAY THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY SO HE NEVER CALLS TO TELL ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECAUSE HE'S STILL GRIEVING. SHE DIED 5 YEARS AGO.

MY OTHER GRANDMA WHO WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY OLD PERSON THAT I EVER LOVED TO BE AROUND DIED NOV 1ST 7 DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY 3 YEARS AGO.

YEAH I DON'T LIKE MY BIRTHDAY AND NO ONE EVER REMEMBERS SO ITS JUST ANY OTHER DAY REALLY.

MY PARENTS SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER BECAUSE IT MAKES NO SENSE TO BE MARRIED AND NEVER SEE THE OTHER PERSON BECAUSE OF CONSTANT TRAVEL AND DISTANTS (LOOK WHERE I GOT MY RELATIONSHIP INFLUENCES FROM  -_-)

I AM THE ONLY GIRL FROM MY MOM SO I GET A LOT OF SMACK BECAUSE I'M APPARENTLY TOO "AMERICAN" TO BE ONE OF THEM.

ON MY BIRTHDAY TWO YEARS AGO MY DAD CALLED AND TOLD MY MOM IF HE WERE TO EVER TRANSFER AND MOVE TO NYC HE WOULDN'T LURE WITH ME BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON I AM. 

WHEN IT COMES TO MY FAMILY I'M PRACTICALLY NUMB BECAUSE EVERYTHING THEY COULD'VE SAID WAS ALREADY SAID AND NOW NOTHING EFFECTS ME.

THE DAY I GRADUATE I AM LEAVING AND I'LL NEVER LOOK BACK AND ILL START THE LIFE ICE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE.

SOMETIMES I THINK MY RELIGION DEFIES ME AND IS THE REASON I AM THE WAY I AM BECAUSE THE TOTAL BULLSHIT AND HYPOCRISY THAT COMES OUT OF IT JUST MAKES ME QUESTION EVERYTHING

REAL TALK:

I WOULDN'T DO DRUGS BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO GET SHIT FACED DRUG AND CALL MY MOM ONE DAY JUST TO PURPOSELY BREAK HER HEART FOR NEVER CARING ABOUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY  (WELL ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO ME)

IF I HAD SEX TODAY I HONESTLY WOULDN'T REGRET IT BECAUSE I WOULD KNOW THAT IT WAS MY CHOICE AND NO ONE FORCED ME INTO IT BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER FORCEFULLY DO SOMETHING I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DO

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THAT I HAVE A BURNING DISLIKE FOR HOLIDAYS BUT I'VE FAKED EXCITEMENT SO MUCH IN THE PAST 10 YEARS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I REALLY LIKE ANYMORE

ONE OF MY FRIENDS FROM MY SCHOOL CIRCLE KNOWS A REALLY HUGE SECRET ABOUT ME THAT I KNOW IS JUST EATING AT HER ON THE INSIDE BUT I'M NOT READY TO TELL ANYONE ELSE YET SO SHE'S GOTTA KEEP IT FOR A WHILE (SORRY I LOVE YOU <3)

I'VE DONE A LOT OF BAD THINGS IN MY LIFE AND I FEEL LIKE THEIR ALL BONES IN THIS DARK CHEST IN MY CLOSET AND THOSE ARE THINGS I JUST WONT EVER TELL ANYONE NO MATTER HOW CLOSE I GET WITH SOMEONE ITS NOT EVEN ABOUT TRUST I WILL BE LOOKED AT DIFFERENTLY AND ILL NEVER BE READY FOR THAT.

I RANT A LOT AND ITS REALLY BAD BECAUSE I COME OFF AS SOMEONE WHO HATES THE WORLD WHEN IN REALITY I JUST HATE NEW JERSEY

I AM INDIFFERENT ABOUT HALLOWEEN I DON'T KNOW WHY

I'VE HAD TWO BEST FRIENDS SINCE 5TH GRADE WHO TILL THIS DAY KNOW EVERY DETAIL ABOUT MY LIFE.

I'VE GAINED 4 BEST FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART AND I WOULDN'T SURVIVE THAT SCHOOL WITHOUT.

I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL BEST FRIEND WHO I BELIEVE SAVED MY LIFE REPEATEDLY AND WAS THEIR FOR ME FOR MY BIGGEST PROBLEMS AND I CHERISH HER ADVICE AND OPINIONS MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE'S BECAUSE SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON I EVER TRUSTED IN HIGH SCHOOL ENOUGH TO OPEN MY LIFE UP TO AND I LOVE HER A LOT.

THIS IS THE ONLY TIME YOU WILL EVER SEE ME WRITE ABOUT BEST FRIENDS WHICH IS A CONCEPT THAT I DO NOT USE LIGHTLY ITS A TITLE THAT IS EARNED AND THESE 7 PEOPLE HAVE SHOWN ME THAT THEY CARE ABOUT ME. THEY ARE MY ACTUAL FAMILY. WITH THEM I DON'T FEEL LIKE A STRANGER IN MY OWN HOME .

IN TWO YEARS I WILL BE HAPPY AND THAT IS A GOAL I WILL MAKE HAPPEN.

xxxx.

-Ayssatou