I always try to choose the simplest of things to avoid going the hard way out. But I've learned that things don't always go as planned and happiness doesn't last as long as we hoped it would. i tried though I really did. I tried to be in good spirits and even today what was supposed to be a happy day is ominous wake up call. All I can think about is how miserable I'm going to be and how much I'm trying not to think. Thinking is the fire to our minds sometimes I look at the clueless none worried people that I know who don't have a care in the world and are always so happy (I'm obviously not friends with these people.) And I don't know I'm scared that if I turn my emotions off now I'm going to be guarded again and I've come along way from how I used to be. It doesn't make it any easier though. I realized something though; I realized than I can be happy. That it's possible anyway. Because this week was the first time in a long time that I was truly genuinely happy. So I know it exists. Tonight I'm going to long island and this is the last weekend for a while that I get to spend with someone who actually makes me really happy. So I need to shake off my dark thoughts and the mood that is bound to appear for at least the weekend. After this it'll only go downhill from here. I need to treasure the memory I guess. At least I know that there's someone who understands where I'm coming from and she's in the same situation. It's great because this time I won't keep it in. I won't mask my emotions anymore. I refuse to act happy when I'm not. It's a stepping stone.
xxxx.
- Ayssatou
PS; The Perfect Guy Part III will be up on Sunday I'm going on a no technology weekend. Baaiiiiiiiii
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